Manly Influences

As parents we naturally worry about a lot of things. Some of these things are important, other things are not so important.

Lately I have been worrying that my boy will not get enough manly influence while I, his most manly father, am a world away. It is not that I doubt his resolve to be as manly as possible, nor do I doubt the strength of his natural manly tendencies, but the day will soon come when he will want to join the burly hoard of savage masculinity which, unbeknownst to many, requires a certain amount of preparation before admittance is granted.

Without me there, who will teach him the proper use of tools like hammers, screw drivers, circular saws, assault rifles, and this 300 year old samurai sword?

Who will teach him how to dress himself properly? For instance, a hat is an article of clothing which has the primary purpose of covering our baldness, but also may be used to promote our favorite NFL team, delay getting a hair cut, or avoid combing our hair. Hats should certainly not be used to enhance one's cuteness.

Also, where will he learn the art of watching a ball game. To the untrained eye, a man who is glued to the tube and has lost all contact with the world around him - a trance-like state I like to call "spectation" - is simply a couch potato. If only it were so simple. It is like any other sport, it requires the correct stance and posture - belly out, feet shoulder width apart. It is also similar to Zen meditation - deep breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth - incorrect breathing might lead to the misfortune of breathing-in a popcorn kernel, and the resulting choking and distraction from the game.

The thing I worry most about is that he and I will embrace his cuteness, and forget about the brutish clan of meat heads all together. because - lets be honest here - though finding a photo of your boy dressed up like a princess is alarming, thinking that he is the cutest princess you have ever seen is absolutely horrifying.